Thank God for Instant Ramen!
by gundanium-freak
Summary: Albel doesn't know how to cook. Seriously. No pairings.


Author: Gundanium_freak (YES. ME. I HAVE INVADED YOUR COMPUTER)  
Rating: *laughs* I'm somewhat relieved to say it's a clear, flat-out PG. Warnings: Foul language, slight SLIGHT shounen-ai, abuse of the Kirlsa workshop facilities.  
Pairing: Alfay, if you peek close enough.  
A/N: OMG OMG. HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED why you get spicy cake and cheap sashimi frequently when you make Albel cook? I've exposed him here, as you will soon see. This is another of my Albel-centric fics... I can't help it, I love the guy. 3 Summary: Albel cooks. Disaster occurs.  
~Yay for instant ramen!  
Sophia put a dash of salt into the bowl and stirred the sticky dough, humming pleasantly. Adray was slicing the chocolate to bits, (quite unnecessarily, one might add). Albel, meanwhile, twirled one of his leather-wrapped braids and yawned, before sniffing at a jar of something wet and green. He pulled back abruptly in disgust- either something had gone horribly wrong with the last batch of jell-o, or that was Hauler puke.

He glanced over at Sophia-wench, and snuck a peek at Adray. Sighing, he rested his head on his crossed arms, suddenly tired of living.  
Sophia smiled sweetly up at him from across the small table. "Uhm... Albel?" Her voice was timid- she didn't really like Albel, but she was kind to him for Fayt's sake.

As expected, Albel glared at her with his unusually red eyes. He was miffed again for no reason, and the Sophia-thing was ruining his perfectly bad mood.

Sophia just smiled more, not letting her spirit deflate. "Could you pass me the milk? It's in the brown cup to your left"  
Albel just kept glaring. She stared right back at him, at least for as long as she could. After less than a minute, she was severely unnerved.

Thankfully, he slowly reached over and pushed it lazily to her, as if it was much too hard to move that hand those looooong five inches.

And then he went back to being miffed. He had a right to be, after all- they were mocking him. They had to be. Simply had to.

The cake was to be white fluffiness topped with rich dark chocolate. A delicacy, to be sure- but the coloring made Albel finger his hair again self-consciously.

At least it wasn't flan.

He was broken from his very sophisticated thoughts by the sound of a chuckle and a scream. He looked up and also chuckled, along with Adray, at the sight of Sophia with chocolate all over that damnable pink shirt of hers. Damned maggot- she deserved it, in Albel's opinion, always prancing about and acting like everything they were doing for the good o0f the universe was all just a game. Well, technically it was, but that wasn't the point.

Then Albel got the brightest idea he'd had since asking Fayt to talk with him in Peterny- he grinned his evil little grin and made sure Sophia-chicken was distracted for the moment before reaching under the table, into a cabinet, and pulling out a baggie of fine red powder.  
He let out an evil chuckle and pulled the bowl of unoccupied chocolate suace over to him, winking at Adray when the man sent a glance his way. The older soldier simply sighed and tossed Albel the spoon he'd been using to stir the mixture.

Albel acted innocent for the first few moments, ignoring Sophia-bitch's startled look and stirring thoughtfully. He'd never really cooked anything before, so this was his first time. He tilted his head to the side in an extremely cute manner and pouted.

When Sophia and Adray looked back to their own tasks, though, Albel sneakily pulled out the spice and grinned, pouring the entire bag into the bowl. He stirred it quickly, the spice melting and blending in with the chocolate. He cackled to himself and was soon out-right laughing, something that Sophia didn't appreciate. She sent a stern glance his way that clearly said he was as good as insane in her eyes.

He couldn't care less. Maggots.

~*~

"Wow, Sophia! It looks really good!"

Albel sat nearby the table, grumbling to himself while his lover complimented his rival. Cliff, Mirage, Adray, Sophia and Maria all sat around the younger man, with their own slice of the delicious (looking) cake. Nel had gone on some errands and was apparently going to miss this wonderful event.

Albel grinned as Sophia nodded and pulled a bite up to her lips, parting them delicately. It disgusted him, really. The girl did -everything- delicately. He snorted and watched, secretly elated.

The wench was going to get what was coming to her.

He was cackling again by the time she swallowed, without even chewing. He laughed even harder when she put a hand to her mouth in surprise, and he was on all fours trying not to cry by the time she was screaming and coughing, flinging herself at the nearby sink.

Cliff, who had simultaneously taken a bit along with Sophia and Maria, followed soon after. Albel rolled around, his skirt riding up when he started kicking his legs around in mirth. By now Adray and Fayt had gotten the hint and thrown their own forkfuls down, a look of disdain on their faces.

Adray merely scowled at the plate as if the plate itself had done something wrong. Fayt, though, decided to stare at Albel. He'd never seen the man laugh- only evil laughter, and that didn't really count.

Albel simply continued rolling around, laughing while Maria tried to shove Sophia away from the sink.

He'd really have to try cooking more often.

~Owari 


End file.
